A New Look...

Recently, I've been going through some really rough times in my life and have decided to try my best to be myself. I know you all are probably thinking that's crazy...it should come naturally for someone to just be their own self. For me, it's been a real struggle lately. I always feel like I have to please others before pleasing myself and somehow I end up changing to achieve that. Well...no more! I'm trying my best to be me and love myself in the process. I feel like for the past couple of months or so I have completely lost who I am due to this fact. That's where the new blog title came from. No more making everyone else around me happy just so I can be miserable. I know I'll probably step on some toes along the way...but, to be honest, I don't care. I'm tired of changing to adapt to everyone else. Why don't everyone else change to adapt to me?? It isn't fair! I just recently (very recently) realized this. I have also just realized that I have only changed in a few aspects of my life. I feel I can be myself more around certain people than others. I know that all people change as they become older but I want my change to be for me and for the better, not the worse.

As you can tell I've been going though a lot lately. Most of it is pretty personal stuff that I really don't want to share to the whole wide world, but I will share the work aspect of it. Ok...so I'm a sign language interpreter in a school system. Here in Virginia we have to take a performance test every 3 years. This test is a 2 part test with 3 segments in each part. Very difficult. Last weekend I had to drive to Richmond (with my parents because Mr. C didn't want to ask off from work) to take this horrible test. I was really stressed over it...well...still am. How I do on this test influences my pay. Yep...that's right, how well I do effects my hourly wages. If I increase a level (now I'm a level II) I will get a pay increase, decrease a level I will get a pay decrease. And...I'm not talking $.50/hour...this is like $5/hour difference...which is a huge difference especially when you are the main source of income and just bought a brand new house! The worst part...I won't get my results back until late July!! So I'm hoping I increased a level...or at least stayed the same.

Thanks for hearing me out while I rant and rave. Just please remember me in your thoughts and prayers as I try to make this adjustment in my life.

Everyone have a good week! :)